That weird, dark, violent streak in me...



How much fun it would be if I were a don...!! I mean...sit on a big chair...left-hand men, right- hand men...all waiting to do things for me at the drop of a hat...!! Not a very honourable thought, but guess I’ve always found it fascinating...! I mean...I order and things happen...these typical gangsters we are so used to seeing in movies...there are the posh ones and there are the powerful but low standard ones (the paan chewing ones with a helper right there with a spittoon...!)...and I’m fascinated by the posh ones...cum on...obviously...!! The kind that play with guns and more sophisticated methods to do away with their prey, rather than knives and swords...heroin, cocaine, scotch et all...the one’s that are suave and in black expensive designer clothes...rich and attractive...the one’s with well- toned hot muscular physiques!

Shahrukh Khan in Don...I fell in love with him, not with him the actor, but with him the don! Or simply, if I couldn’t be a don, if I could only be a man...I mean...only if I were a man...i could have and would have done so many insane things...! I probably would have been a headache to my poor gharwale...I would have had fun though...! There’s this great wish I have...only if I could punch and break somebody’s nose...!! Haha...anybody’s...whoo...that would be great...!! And I want to and will learn karate, taekwondo and since the last week, I wanna learn Kalaripayattu also...!! Martial arts are soo s***...!! This I will do...I mean...learn a martial art...and breaking a nose comes secondary...that I can sure do even now...given the kind of fighting practise I’ve gained as a result of my ‘encounters’ with a cousin of mine...!(we fight like mad...he throws me down..i throw him down...n finally we would both be so tired...panting and puffing like dogs after a good fight for a juicy bone!!) N yeah...another fact that I’m proud of are my muscles...gawd alone knows where I got them from...hehe...my biceps... (Huhh..!! I suddenly feel like a man...talking about biceps et all...!) And, yeah...now nobody don't start feelin jealous et all okie..i’ve also got this one muscle...which I saw Shahrukh had in one of the scenes in the movie Chak De India when he was opening the door to his house...I saw it on his hand, and I realized I have it too...!!yay yaayyiiieee....!!!

And I’ve found that I have this thing for negative figures in Society...I’m in love with Mr. Osama bin Laden (he is such a handsome man!!!), Ayman al Zawahiri (he’s a bigger hot-shot than Osama himself is...!), Dawood Ibrahim (dunno why...but just like that...I call him ‘dad’...with all due respects to my biological dad...!)...and Saddam Hussein to an extent too... (Poor man...he’s dead...!! RIP)!! I read about Mr. Charles Manson...an insane freak I thought he was...but didn’t particularly like him... (Looked too unkempt to my liking)!! And I like Tom and not Jerry..!! I mean... i really do hate Jerry...he always uses unfair means and poor Tom always gets into trouble..!! I hate Jerry...!

I like horror...I know many people do...but I just somehow think that I have some kind of an extra interest and fascination towards everything that has anything to do with the paranormal...anything out of the ordinary, reading about ‘Ghosts’, ectoplasm, spirits, necromancy, demons, exorcism, and all the blah...!! I read them...I watch them...and a few days later a get a real creepy dream that manages to totally spook me out...I freak out and then I get fired by my mom...! Huhh...okie...this is what my mom says...”for Gawwd’s sake stop doing this to yourself...! You read and watch creepy stuff like this, and you won’t even know when they’ll take a toll on you...its only when you are mentally drained and weak that their effects start to manifest and that’s when you get these dreams..!! Please do try and not lose your sanity...!” I was never scared of anything as a child...I was a brave girl...until I saw Bhoot... (maan...that movie...I love Ram Gopal Verma for having made it..!!) the movie did have an effect (adverse or not I do not know...!) on me...for quite some time...I would enter a dark room and come back running...cuz I would be scared...and then after sometime, I got over it after I watched the movie at least four times... [Exposure therapy as per psychiatric terms...;-)]. The movie ‘A Haunting in Connecticut’ also managed to freak me out...and again three days later I had a weird dream in which I was flying, and I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding and me sweating, another dream or rather nightmare where my teeth started to turn and fall off due to some force acting outward from within my mouth...!! This one really did it...the next morning I couldn’t think of anything but my teeth...I kept feeling it to see if they were intact and I really could feel that weird force in my mouth and after this I swore never to watch a horror movie...!!

N guess which new movie I’ve got in my laptop the latest...hehe...’Paranormal Activity’ which I’m dying to watch and will...the very day I submit my thesis...!!! Let Gawd save me... and bless and help me preserve my sanity...!!!

P.S.- from what I’ve written, I do for sure sound like a total jerk...but I’m not all that bad or insane...this is just one part of my muddled personality...!!